


The Royal Alliance

by Munchkin (tohrucorinne)



Category: Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Z Abridged (Team Four Star)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Especially ones starting with F, Gen, lots of cussing, pretty cracky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 22:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4979494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tohrucorinne/pseuds/Munchkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a completely fucked up alternative timeline-<br/>Freeza, Vegeta, and Demon King Piccolo fuck things up all over the universe. Cell joins in when he's hungry.</p><p> Bulma also does a lot of things but she doesn't usually kill things. Only when they deserve it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Alternative Timeline Explained

Pre-Db: Goku   
Raditz and Goku are both taken by Freeza along with Vegeta and Nappa. Earth isn’t on Freezas radar due to this change. Goku is also a typical Saiyan due to not receiving brain damage as an infant. 

DB  
DKP goes to Earth to find the Dragon Balls for immortality. The red ribbon army is also around but not important. Maybe some Pilaf and Gang antics. Bulma is also looking for the DBs to make her wish. Piccolo finds her first and she manages to convince him she would useful to him with her Earth knowledge and tech skills so he takes her with him.   
They find the DBs and by that part Bulmas pretty chummy with him and he tells her he will help her find a boyfriend after he’s immortal. Piccolo makes his wish and becomes immortal. He decides to revel in it and take a break on Earth for awhile probably in the wastelands a small flight away from Capsule Corp where Bulma returns to.

DBZ- On Earth  
One day Piccolo visits CC as he has been wont to do lately and Bulma bitches that she still doesn’t have the perfect boyfriend cause all the guys she’s dated are idiots (Yamcha was bypassed along with the tournament characters. Some people have challenged Piccolo but he’s immortal and they probably died) and she reminds him that he promised her.   
Piccolo doesn't really understand the romance thing. Bulma tries to explain and he still doesn’t get it. She says Earth guys are kind of boring at this point so Piccolo decides to take her to different planets starting with Namek. 

DBZ- ON NAMEK  
Freeza is collecting the DBs. Raditz and Goku are on a different planet scouting or massacring or whatever it is they do.  
Vegeta is en route to Namek after killing Nappa on the bug planet out of irritation.  
Piccolo arrives shortly after Freeza has kidnapped Dende and killed Nail to get the Dbs to work. Vegeta has killed Dodoria and Zarbon but without the Earthlings there to fuck up Freezas shit the Ginyu Force isn’t called.  
Piccolo sees the clouds and realizes shits going down so he tells Bulma to stay put and arrives at the scene right after Freeza makes his wish and is granted immortality. He blasts Freeza hard enough to send him away from the DBs and Freeza takes up his challenge.   
While they’re distracted Vegeta sneaks up and gets his immortality then joins the fray.   
Bulma is on the ship like why the fuck is this happening why is the planet breaking.

 

Part 2 of Namek  
Eventually they all tell each other they’re immortal and realize the fight is pointless. Namek is crumbling though and Piccolo is like why was that necessary. Freeza explains his modus operandi. Piccolo finds this neat. He also thinks Bulma might find Vegeta cute so he takes him back to the ship Dr. Briefs made for him to thank him for not killing his daughter.   
Freeza goes back to his ship and realizes the two people he trusted to get shit done are dead. He blows up his own ship and sneaks onto Piccolos and never fucking leaves.

Part 3- Cell  
They fly around and irritate the shit out of each other as they cause chaos across the universe. Eventually, they have to return to Earth for the ship to get a checkup. Cue Dr. Gero and his fucking bugs which take dna from all four of them. Cunning, smugness, pride, and from Bulma tech savvy and a small amount of humanity to try and balance out the crazy. Android saga commences. people die and Bulma is horrified but the only other reaction is Piccolos small amount of “hey, I was kind of enjoying this place.” Also, Bulma and Vegeta find each other annoying and haven’t had time for Trunks-making yet. Future Trunks is not a thing.   
The Royals eventually decide the androids could be a nice challenge. They and the androids bounce each other around for awhile before they all get bored and take a break.   
Freeza thinks they would have the potential to be minions if they weren’t rebelliously annoying .  
Bulma realizes that being called Androids 17 and 18 means there are probably more and tracks down Gero and his lab. The other three go too and there’s a debate between Bulma, who wants to get rid of them all in one go with the self destruct, and the others who want to defeat the androids.  
Someone, probably F or V, blasts a hole in the floor and the debate ends when Piccolo says it’s over and throws Bulma over his shoulder and flies back to Capsule Corp.  
Cell escapes in his pupal form and is allowed to grow into his Imperfect form.  
During the next battle between the Royals and the Android he interrupts and eats 17 and 18 becoming Perfect Cell.  
He then reveals to the RA and Bulma that he’s made of parts of them and calls Freeza one of his mommies which Freeza only finds irritating when Vegeta begins to laugh.   
Bulma laments having a kid without even having a boyfriend.  
Piccolos a little weirded out.  
Vegeta is mad that his fight got stolen but will take “Mommy Freeza” as compensation.

Anyways with three out of four of his parents being immortal/indestructible they eventually realize that Cell probably has that trait too and when they ask Cell reveals the “I can’t die because of that thing in my brain” quirk and they decide that Cell can just be in the team.  
Briefs has been working on a much larger and technologically better ship and they take it out while humanity gets its shit back together. 

Along the way Freeza has two spawn-Koza and much later Kureeza.  
Bulma and Vegeta have Gohan and slightly later Trunks- Piccolo slaps Vegeta around any time he acts like a dick to them and trains Gohan who trains Trunks.  
Cell makes two Cell JRs and another Imperfect Cell JR because I find them cute and I’m the goddamn boss here.   
Koza and Trunks are troublemakers and generally take Imperfect Cell Jr, dubbed Bugsy, to cause Kureeza and the twins grief. Freeza and Bulma become boss ass bitch mommy buddies and they and Piccolo are the super grandparents squad for the cell babies. Vegeta may eventually come around.


	2. The First Spawning

Freeza was exhausted. He hadn’t done anything particularly laborious but regardless he felt as though his eyelids were magnets being drawn together. He flew to his room, walked to the other end of the royal purple cell, curled onto his circular bed, and fell asleep.  
When he woke up 36 hours later it was to a bright pink something curled up next to him and attached to his arm. He sat up and lifted his arm, the pink thing coming with it. The “it” in question was a tiny Icejinn with its tail wrapped around Freezas arm. It opened its purple eyes and blinked as the emperor brought it closer to his face.  
“The fuck are you exactly?”  
The only answer was the tiny pink monstrositys’ hand planting itself on Freezas face where a Saiyan, Human, or Namekian nose would be. Freeza closed an eye and shook his head lightly until the beast dropped its hand then he ran a finger down the underside of its tail, catching it when it uncurled from being tickled.  
“Well I suppose you’ll be good for the halfling annoyance at the very least. Let’s see if we can’t get you swinging into the true Icejinn-Ruling-Monkey-Princes spirit.”

He found the purple haired halfling and his parents with the Namekian in the kitchen. He placed his pink spawn on the chair next to the child, its head not even reaching the table, and flew across the room to the counter to gather some nutrients for it to consume. When he turned around the other three adults were staring at him like he had just blown up their planets. Again. Actually it probably wouldn’t be as shocking the second time around, but really why was anyone surprised the first time he did that? They should know Freeza equals exploding planets by now, it wasn’t that hard of an equation.  
Bulma was looking between the two Icejinn, blinking rapidly.  
“So. Uhm. Freeeeza. Who... or what... is this?”  
Freeza stared hard at her. “Well, given that I woke up with it attached to my arm I would venture to say it’s my child.”  
Vegeta turned the most interesting shade of puce when he was horrified at the idea of something. Made for very amusing times when the pet was younger. He still didn’t like the scent of steamed space broccoli.  
The green one cocked his head to look the pink one over.  
“Wait, do you spit out eggs too?”  
Freeza just decided to glare at that one.  
“Gonna take that as a hard ‘no’.”  
“So what’s his name,” Bulma cut in.

“I’dunno,” was the dismissive answer.  
Finally, Freeza decided that the mixture he had concocted would do for the first feeding, poured it into one of the bottles Bulma had brought for the halfling, and flew back to the other side of the room. He picked his pink thing up and fed it at a steady pace. At irregular intervals there was a pinging sound as the child grew taller and rounder until it was about as tall as the five year old it had been sitting next to. It made very pleased trilling sounds and grabbed a handful of purple hair when it was placed back down.  
The other three adults still hadn’t gotten the looks off their faces, if anything they were more pronounced, and Bulma was now making a strange gurgling sound. Freeza found himself annoyed.  
“I would say you look like you’ve never seen a first feeding before but honestly you’re so ass-backwards I’m shocked all your species haven’t managed to wipe themselves out in infancy.”  
Bulma stopped her ridiculous frothing and glared, “well at least I can name my child.”  
“Oh, I am perfectly capable of naming it. However, being a civilized creature, I will simply allow my child to name itself when it is ready.”  
And now she was back to blinking like a goddamn strobe light. Really, why did he get on this damn ship?  
The monstrosity let go of the halflings hair and lifted its arms towards Freeza making grabbing motions with its hands. It really was very cute but Freeza just sighed and grabbed its tail with his own, lifting the little one to his face as it hung upside down. It giggled and touched his face again. Freeza licked the offending appendage and it squealed and drew away which actually managed to make Freeza smile a bit.  
“What do you want, beastie?”  
“Koza,” it trilled.”  
Freeza looked surprised, “Really, picking your name already? Good little one. Do you have a gender chosen yet?”  
It shook its head cutely.  
“No? Take your time.”  
Freeza placed Koza down on the ground where it wobbled a bit before walking over to the chair where the halfling was sitting.  
It cocked its head and asked, “play?”  
The halfling smiled brightly and looked to its mother.  
She still seemed startled by Freezas spawn but said sure and helped her child down, watching as he ran to the hallway with his new playmate. Then she turned to the emperor.  
“My kids not going to get exploded is he?”  
Freeza smirked, “probably not.”  
“You pain in the ass.”  
“That's royal pain in the ass to you, earthling.”  
“Listen you-”  
She was cut off by Cells voice from the hallway.  
“The flying fuck are you?!”  
Trunks voice followed, “that's not a flying fuck bro, it’s a flying Kiza.”  
“Koza,” came the soft correction.  
“A flying Koiza.”  
“Close enough.”


End file.
